putting on my big girl pants

it's time to stop living in the middle of nowhere, with no income, no social activities, no social media. i need to get out of this phase.

after a lot of back and forth about my next steps, i decided to get over my social media aversion and just put on my big girl pants.

i am writing this post as i think a few months back i wrote "finding my north star at 28." i have asked god, source, to clear my mind. meditating with drumming, asking for hints of intuition and that's what i am doing.

i don't know if this whole "no social media" version of me was some sort of bypassing. playing some bs thing of "yes look at me, i am so disconnected, no money, no need for ego games, no instagram, no dating, no blah blah." but stuff only matters if you give it value. and if i believe in the message, the content, the information i want to share, then social media is just a way to get my message out. it's a tool, not an identity.

in my free time i naturally gravitate towards learning about relational intelligence, attachment theory, feminine and masculine energy, inner work, and healing. the creators i admire most are on social platforms. that's how i was able to find them, to learn, to connect. they didn't hide from the medium, they used it.

the problem before was that i wasn't scratching my own itch. i was trying to create content about things i didn't actually care about. this way, studying feels natural. when you're learning what you're already drawn to, the work doesn't feel like work.

but i have to be very intentional and devotional with this. no half-assing it.

let me be honest about why i've resisted social platforms.

instagram felt like a nicer tinder mainly used for hookups, dating, the whole game. (please god if i meet someone let it be in real life) but it's a medium, and honestly, it's the most popular social platform right now. easier to get conversions for things like newsletter signups. that helps me build an audience to eventually provide value aside from content through a product.

i kept linkedin because as i looked at instagram as a hookup platform, i thought linkedin was the way to go but what i don't like about linkedin is the fake 90 minute interaction with accounts. yes yes, i guess it doesn't have to be fake. and yes, sometimes i do resonate with what the other person is saying. but ugh, it's a requirement. you have to comment. you have to invest 2 hours each day building this network. don't schedule posts, comment before posting and after posting. the whole charade. it feels performative in a way that exhausts me.

i won't even go to tiktok because i just don't get tiktok so i won't even try.

i never had the twitter fever and i do spend a lot of time on youtube. so youtube at least makes sense for me.

the other thing was making videos, recording my face and talking to camera. i hate making videos. i remember in an old job, they really wanted me to make videos and i hated it. why? because i was forced to and i didn't believe in what i was sharing. it was some stupid little dance.

but i'm reframing this now into the feynman method (btw, richard feynman is my dead crush. if you haven't seen his documentary or read his letter to his dead wife, you have to). the best way to learn something is to teach it. so talking to camera isn't vanity, it's a learning tool and i hate this less than the linkedin commenting stuff and it can bring me more value.

i do enjoy creating carousels and designing on canva (humbly, i am not a designer). growth now is better on instagram through carousels anyway. so lean into what i already like doing.

now, making money in the short term, how?

i have a background in operations, culture development, and marketing. i could go back to hr or operations, but i plan to go back to marketing since i'm building an audience and want a better understanding of the channels. that way, when i'm not creating my own personal brand, content, or audience, i'm still learning. everything i learn at work feeds back into my personal strategy.

so i'm aiming to get a contractor role as a social media or marketing strategist. a steady income that covers basic needs, savings, this domain, better gear for youtube, coffee dates with friends, maybe some traveling. the amount, honestly, i don't care as much. i've learned to live with nothing. right now i want to learn and invest time in skill sets i can apply immediately. i don't need much. i have a larger plan in mind.

the high level plan: build competence, grow audience, create digital products (templates, courses, something), create community (hopefully in person events), then financial freedom.

but first, build competence. you can't teach what you don't understand. competence comes from studying, repetition, and explaining to others. build my 1000 true fans.

i'm thinking of this as a long term strategy. for the next at least 3 years.

i am excited to finally feel a clear mind.