masochist heart

sometimes i listen to a song and the feeling it evokes is the one of having loved and knowing it's time to say goodbye. knowing the relationship has come to an end.

that type of love. not soulmates, but twin flames. the kind that burns.

you don't feel peace with them. it's a whirlwind of lessons, passion, and fire. that soul's immediate recognition. they show you everything you need to heal, everything you need to become.

but you have to say goodbye. to your love. to your friend. to their touch. to what you knew as a relationship. to the version of yourself you built with them.

i think in my mind about that moment of ending, that goodbye. it breaks my heart.

am i a masochist? instantly my mind creates this film. i am the main actor, fully in the part. i can even change the length of my hair, my clothing, how slim i look. i look straight into my unreal person's eyes. feel how they touch my skin, remove the warm tear from my face. i say, “i'll be ok and so will you". we will be just fine.”

turn around. don't look back.

such a heartbreaking movie scene. and i feel it, for the 4 minute duration of the instrumental i was listening to.